I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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