did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
