what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
