i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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