smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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