Already got asked if we're dating
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
