So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
