How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
