I am in a vortex of obligation.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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