I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
