I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
