Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
