I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
