i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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