i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
