so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
