why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
