oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
