Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
