I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
