Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Everything about him screamed your future.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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