probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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