He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
