she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
