would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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