Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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