cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
