She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
