their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
