two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
