I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
