walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
