im about as happy as oj after his trial
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
