sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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