and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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