I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
