Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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