I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
