I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i came on her dog
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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