I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
