I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
