It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
