I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
