we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Will exercising make me less horny?
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