At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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