Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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