Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
