u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
