this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
