Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
