Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
