mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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