I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
